


Caterpillar

by chlouais



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, i completely forgot i wrote this and now im sof, matteo and david are going to be great dads, there is a BABY in this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-07 11:44:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20308948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chlouais/pseuds/chlouais
Summary: Matteo looks down at the baby in his arms. She is so, so small. She has a little bow on a soft band around her head. She has almost no hair, just wispy pale strands soft as down. Her eyes are tired as she blinks up. Her tiny fingers wrap around Matteo’s thumb and he knows. Matteo knows.





	Caterpillar

David comes into their room behind him and hugs him, arms reaching to wrap around his stomach. Matteo would normally melt back against David, rest his head on David’s shoulder, place his and David’s interlocked hands over his own heart. They would rest that way for a moment and David would press a sweet kiss to his neck. His eyelashes would kiss Matteo’s jaw. This is a moment of tenderness Matteo is familiar with, but it has no place in the schedule today. Instead Matteo’s body feels like it’s flexing with excited energy. David feels the same behind him, squeezes Matteo so tight that Matteo almost lets out a little squeak.

David rocks Matteo back and forth with growing force until he all but swings Matteo around. David’s eyes are sparkling and they are grinning at each other.

They’ve been waiting for this day for _so long_. The application, the paperwork, the home check, the interview, more paperwork… They knew adopting was going to take time and work. But as they approached thirty, they were both sure this was what they wanted. They are ready to do this. They want this.

Matteo is giddy. He can feel a disbelieving laugh bubbling up somewhere inside him. He and David are going to pick up their child. Their _child_. He and his _husband_. Sometimes the thought still takes Matteo’s breath away. David smacks a ridiculous kiss to Matteo’s cheek just as his laughter overtakes him. David grips Matteo’s hand and pulls him to the door.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

“Here she is!” The woman says, gently transferring her into Matteo’s arms. He is careful to support her head and neck—something he had learned in one of the several classes he and David had taken. David is immediately there, sharing the space. One of his arms is around Matteo’s back, the other cradling the baby with Matteo. David’s head falls onto his shoulder and Matteo thinks he hears David coo.

Matteo looks down at the baby in his arms. She is so, so small. She has a little bow on a soft band around her head. She has almost no hair, just wispy pale strands soft as down. Her eyes are tired as she blinks up. _Can she even understand what she’s seeing?_ Matteo thinks. He bends down to press a little kiss to her head, inhaling and closing his eyes a moment before straightening back up. She smells _so nice_. _She kind of looks like an alien_, Matteo thinks as he gazes down at her. He chuckles and realizes his laugh is watery. He looks up at the woman and she’s smiling at him knowingly. He glances at David and his eyes are definitely wet, too. They share a brief smile that Matteo can’t explain except with the word ‘overflowing’ before their eyes are drawn back down to her like magnets. _She is a perfect alien_, Matteo thinks, _And she’s ours._

Her tiny fingers wrap around Matteo’s thumb and he knows. Matteo knows.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

They experience her first meltdown that same night.

Her whole body seems to burst with a wail. She tenses as she struggles against something invisible and cries escape her, long and ragged. And Matteo—Matteo freezes. These aren’t fussy cries, these cries mean something is wrong and Matteo is panicking because something is _wrong_ and he doesn’t know what to do—

And David swoops in, scoops her from his arms, and his voice is steady as he says something. Matteo is staring at her, her face crumpled and red, her nose is dripping down her face and David is looking at him. _Why is David looking at him?_ She’s crying so loud and he needs to help her—

“Matteo. Matteo?” David is saying his name. “Matteo, go grab her pacifier?” Matteo wants to get it but his feet feel cemented to the floor and he kind of feels like crying too. He’s failing already, he realizes. He and David have worked so hard and finally have been given this perfect little human and he already doesn’t know what to do—

“Look, I need you to be able to keep it together! I can’t do this on my own!” David doesn’t raise his voice but his voice is urgent, frustrated. She’s shrieking right into David’s ear, and Matteo winces. His feet lift. He stumbles into their room, where most of her things are. He snatches up the pacifier and heads back into the living room. David is bouncing her gently while she rests against his shoulder. She’s crying, but it’s not like before. Matteo hands over the pacifier and David sends him a grateful look.

“Hey, you’re doing alright. I know it’s been a really long day. It’s been a long day for us too,” David is murmuring to her. His voice is low and tender. She quiets further, finally accepting the pacifier. Matteo’s shoulders begin to relax at the sound before they tense up again. What is he doing? He’s still rooted to the spot while David manages the entire situation on his own.

Matteo feels sick. He isn’t ready, he’s made a mistake. He loves David, he loves their daughter. But he can’t give her what she needs, can’t be there for David, can’t even take care of _himself_ half the time, he doesn’t know what he was thinking, it’s too much—

“Matteo.” It’s David’s voice again. David’s voice is good. “I’m going to go put her down, okay? Then I’ll come back and we can talk it out and problem solve together, okay?” Matteo nods.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Matteo softly pads into their room while David finishes turning off lights and folding up blankets in the front room. He looks over at the crib near their bed. He and David talked about his moment of panic, and Matteo feels better now. “First time jitters,” David had called it. David comforted him, told him that he’ll be a great parent, and reminded him that both of them will struggle from time to time. This is their first kid. Matteo’s mind feels like a runaway train when he thinks of adopting _another_ baby but he shakes his head to clear it and creeps closer to the crib. Those are thoughts for later.

She is quiet. Matteo feels sleepy just watching her. She is peaceful. Matteo feels a surge of love that turns into a lump in his throat. He wants to be a good dad _so badly._

But Jesus _Christ_, this is a real living, breathing human being that he and David are responsible for _raising_. She’s going to become a toddler, a child, a teen, an adult. They’ll feed her, teach her, scold her, love her—what does he know about any of that?

Matteo sits on the floor next to the crib. He is eye level with her. Her little body swells and deflates with each tiny breath. _How small are her lungs?_ Matteo wonders. _Who will you want to be? _Matteo doesn’t know what he could possibly give her. He looks at her eyes, squinted closed, her hands scrunched into little fists. Her mouth is slightly puckered. He can’t believe how _small_ every one of her body parts are. She seems so fragile. _What can I give you?_ Matteo asks himself.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

David pauses in the doorway of their bedroom when he sees Matteo seated on the ground by the crib. He leans his shoulder on the doorframe, content to watch his husband and their baby. David feels his mouth lifting into a smile just thinking it. _Their baby._ He wishes Matteo wouldn’t second guess himself so much. David knows Matteo is nervous, his only reference being a dad he does _not_ want to be. But David knows Matteo is considerate, devoted, earnest, accepting. _She and I are lucky to have him_, he thinks.

David is shaken out of his internal moment but the sound of Matteo’s voice. It is a hushed whisper, muffled further still by the carpeted distance between them, but David can hear.

“I love you. And I’ll always love you, no matter who you want to be. I promise. I... don’t know if I’m going to be very good at this, but I’m so happy to be your dad.” Inhale, exhale. “Nothing will stop me from loving you or being there for you, so you don’t ever have to worry, okay?” David feels his heart swell as he hears Matteo pause. “I hope you love me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all can hit up my tumblr if ya wanna be soft about davenzi with me :') I'm at [chlouais](http://chlouais.tumblr.com)


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